This is really personal. But, I need to write it anyway.
I had this conversation with my mom some time seven years ago. After all these years, I finally put it in words. Wow, this suddenly sounds nostalgic now. I suppose this nostalgic quality derives from the fact that I hadn’t had such a conversation like this with her before. That evening my mom told me something about her dream. I have to say that I never bothered about any of my mom’s dreams. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t care about her. It simply means that, prior to that particular talk, I had had an oversight on the matter of dream. I simply understood that raising kids and building a happy family was her ultimate dream. And, I was not entirely wrong. I was simply oblivious of certain facts.
My mom told me that night many parents really love their children. Along the way, for the sake of this uncompromised love, they have to leave their own dreams behind. I believe that my mom also had many dreams. Unfortunately, they were unfulfilled because she had to abstain from the pursuit of those dreams for the sake of her family and beloved children. It sounds sad. Yet, it makes me realize that my mom has made her own compromise. I don’t want to speak on her behalf, but I would say that it was the sacrifice in its truest sense.
I believe that my mom wanted to taste luxury of her choice, but she simply couldn’t because she had to renounce some good things in life for her kids. She wanted to get involved in several activities outside home, but raising kids almost entirely tied her to her not-so-illustrious-and-sometimes-boring domain: home. She wanted to buy fancy things to indulge or compliment herself a little bit for all sacrifices she had made, but she simply couldn’t. By deliberately bringing those babies to this world, a place where scarcity often plagues, she had to reconsider her choices, set her priorities and take her own austerity measures.
After that talk, I realized that I am really blessed to have such a wonderful mom. Back then, I realized that I hadn’t been grateful enough to have such an inspiring mom. You know, proximity could always cloud your judgment on the centrality of a person in your life. In my experience, my mom’s presence had been taken for granted and it made me less appreciative of her true sacrifice. Now, I feel that my mom is really my first hero. I hope this realization is not too late.